Thursday, May 21, 2020

Dear Landlord #rentstrike

I wrote a letter to the Randall Group to enumerate their crimes. This time, I made sure the letter rhymes.
Dear Landlord,

It'll soon be the first of the month, so we thought we'd write you a letter. Not that you asked, but all of us struck by the virus are starting to feel better. We thought we should let you know, once again, why the time we've spent, has still not included writing any checks for the rent.

I doubt you're even reading this, I'm not gonna lie. But just in case you are, here are some of the reasons why we'd rather keep our money, instead of giving it away to your rich investors – come whatever may:
  • Because you don't need the money – in fact, you guys are such toffs, you have to donate millions just to get a tax write-off. In your magnanimity, all the millions to charity, you stole from all your renters (what fucking barbarity).
  • Because in case you didn't realize, your renters have been moving out, every time you raise the rent – let there be no doubt. You're making people homeless – forcing kids to live in cars, while you and your investors go to galleries and wine bars.
  • Because you brag of your philanthropy, while your tenants drown in debt.
  • Because I'm not exactly sure how much more fucked up things can get.
  • Because you actually raised the rent in the midst of a pandemic.
  • Because over the years you've made sure the problem is systemic.
  • Because you and your corporate lobbyists, with Multi Family Northwest, have lobbied all the legislatures, to make sure conditions are the best for you to underpay your workers, while with each passing year, you've made it ever more impossible for them to even live near here.
  • Because there's asbestos in the ceilings, and mold upon the walls.
  • Because this carpet is fucking ancient – and that's definitely not all.
  • Because you own hundreds of buildings, up and down the coast.
  • Because corporations like yours are getting bailed out the most.
  • Because you keep reminding us of the money you say we owe, in the middle of a new Great Depression, as bad as ninety years ago.
  • Because the government is paralyzed – no one's answering their phones. They say they'll send us assistance, but there's just a dial tone.
  • Because the suspension on evictions goes til the end of June, and there are lots of our fellow renters singing the same tune.
  • Because you, Randall Group, are slumlords, and at the end of the day, something has to give – things can't go on this way.
So I'll just say, in conclusion, this is a lovely spot for a post-eviction future, when it becomes our squat. But until that happens, we can be reasonable, in fact. We'll consider paying half the rent – if you send us a new rental contract.

Your Tenants

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